WORKING WITH SEXUALITY WASN’T ON MY “WHEN I GROW UP I WANNA BE” LIST…
How did I get here?
Well, I grew up destined to have the most normal life one could imagine: I grew up in Lithuania and then emigrated to Northern Ireland with my parents at the age of 16. I was an A student and graduated with a MA in Politics and French from a top university in the UK. I speak five languages. Being a perfectly nice girl, I was equipped to climb up my professional ladder and create a socially approved life. Sounds boringly perfect, right?
I remember, when there was a time I was thinking that maybe it was time to get a mortgage, a husband and start planning the colour of my bathroom tiles? At least this is what all of my friends were doing.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with the path of getting a mortgage and making babies (I also desire to make babies and buy property when the time comes). But firstly, I had to give birth to my own divine self!
In essence, I was living with a deep abyss inside of my chest, and nothing could fill it. And believe me, I tried everything. My insatiable longing for depth, truth and authentic connection caused some of my most profound heartaches and sleepless nights.
My relentlessness to find That Something was a catalyst to develop insomnia. Now I know that the problem was me seeking Love and Bliss outside of myself.
The fact that I could not sleep made my life go down the spiral. I used to use quick-fix clitoral self-pleasure like a sleeping pill. It was my stress release method which, afterwards, made me feel even more lonely and disconnected from myself. That was the price I was willing to pay for a momentary bliss.
Long story short, I was ready to let go of the life I had built and find That Something which would make my life actually meaningful. So, to continue this chase, I moved to Bali.
One evening, I was sitting by the rice fields and watching the most magnificent coastal sunset, and I realized that I was feeling as miserable as before! Bali did not solve my problems. I just brought my entire emotional baggage with me.
But here comes the turning point in my life: I knew that my self-pleasure addiction was part of the problem, so I decided to let go of it altogether. Very soon, I noticed a lot of stagnant unpleasant energy pent up in my lower belly.
It was the first time I felt the intensity of my sexual or life force energy. Luckily, I had some fantastic conscious people around me who taught me how to circulate this energy using breathwork.
I committed myself to cultivate my life force energy consciously and see what will happen. I began claiming my space in the world by intentionally awakening my sexuality.
This is when I truly discovered the power of sacred sexuality—like Columbus “discovering” the South American lands which had always been there…
After years of searching for love externally, I came back home to the temple of my body.
Now I see that insomnia did not let me settle for a mediocre life that does not fulfil my soul. I had to solve that and find my way into the divine in me.
Ironically, my insomnia was the key catalyst to my sexual awakening.
The rest is history. With all of my humbleness, I confidently say that it’s my life’s calling to support you to blossom into your most vibrant, awakened, and integrated life. I do so through 1on1 and group coaching—enabling women to transform and embody their divine wholeness is the most rewarding food for my soul.