When you enter a room full of strangers—do you fear you won’t belong there or do you feel so confident in your body that everyone can’t help but notice your magnetic appearance? The latter is your s.exual confidence. It’s the opposite of lethargy, stuckness, low-self esteem.
Let me share a story about how I used to be a master of lethargy myself.
I used to be a yoga teacher in a tradition that calls anger “a great enemy of peace, a direct gateway to hell”, so I used to suppress my emotions with a very convenient spiritual justification. Thanks to this, I managed to bypass the pain of a horrendous breakup & soon after I developed a benign breast tumor & a non-benign insomnia. I would need to get two cups of coffee to be functional by 10am at jobs I hated. My soul was withering away.
I had lost my aliveness completely. Makeup would cover up the dullness of my face, random Tinder dates would help me feel at least a bit desired as a woman. 2min clit0ral 0rgasm would help me temporarily feel that bliss of oneness which would relax me before sleep.
And I am not exaggerating even by 1%.
Discovering, owning & then expressing my s.exual energy was what saved me, quite literally. It wasn’t Bali (which had “solved” my life for 2 months only, until the newness effect began to fade away). It wasn’t a sexy prince on a white horse who’d love even if I didn’t love myself. Nor was it meditating my emotions away.
Sister, your s.exual aliveness is not something trivial. It’s your…life.
– It speaks of a sense of belonging to a place that is your body, your womb, your heart.
– It’s your vitality, where you’re continuously nourished by the life force energy that’s freely running through your body.
– It’s absolutely magnetic because, through your body, you radiate your connection to Source. It’s what makes you stand out from a crowd sleeping in lethargy.
You can try to change your external circumstances in a hope to “improve” your s.exuality. Or you can dive in straight into the mystery of your s.exuality & change ALL of your life from within.
I chose the latter. This is what happened.
Becoming truly available for ALL of me, including my deepest fear of aloneness, helped end the series of attracting emotionally unavailable men. When living in the Arctic, the Goddess of the Polar Night taught how to truly hold my aloneness—that felt like surrendering to the fear of death! By holding the pain of my feminine longing for love, I had to… die to it. No more “strong, independent woman” role. I collapsed, surrendered, relaxed. Believe it or not, this also changed my relationship with sleep completely.
I finally began to believe that…life is not a random array of circumstances I just have to acquiesce to. Feeling grounded in my body & connected to Spirit, I could truly believe that my needs & desires are valid & sacred. I’m a NO to half-relationships, half-presence, half-commitment. This is a not a princessy way of saying: “I’m empowered and f*ck you all”, but a deeply anchored self-respect.
I was able to resensitize my whole body. Going from completely numb breasts & 2min clit0ral 0ragsms to heart-expanding full body 0rgasms. Awakening my cervix was one of the most profound initiations into the most cosmic, mystical, aya-type experiences I’ve ever had & continue to have.
I could add many more categories: a high-caliber community, a relationship where I feel fully met, abundance, creating my dream business, opportunities coming out of thin air… I’m still bewildered by the interconnectedness of everything.
Sister, this is to remind you that your s.exual aliveness is not a mere nice-to-have, or something you MAY think about when you have time. It’s believing that you’re worthy of the most extraordinary life RIGHT NOW.
One client of mine, who came to me feeling emotionally & physically numb, after a month of working with me, wrote to me:
“I don’t know what’s going on but I have 200% more energy. I normally need coffee but now coffee feels wrong, almost too much. For the first time, I felt my yoni whilst touching my breasts! Actually, I’m always feeling my yoni as if I was aroused even though I’m just working…I started working less because I want to nourish myself first and… meetings started to disappear from my calendar (people are magically cancelling them!). I’m smiling all the time, it’s so good to just be, I’m feeling a biz crazy! I wake up feeling much gratitude, desiring to hug & love the whole world. My friend, whom I hadn’t seen in a long time, told me that I look so much more open & alive!”
Yes, as you reclaim your s.exual aliveness it literally supercharges & informs all of your life—it is simply an indication of your quality of life. It permeates all your relationships, your confidence, the way you carry your body, your spark to create the best reality possible, and, importantly, your capacity to give & receive love.
Pictures taken by Jodie Louise